There’s nothing quite like sitting in a bustling café, surrounded by chatter you don’t yet understand, to remind you that you’ve officially started life abroad — and that your social circle currently consists of one: you.
When you move to a new Country, you imagine the adventure — the food, the sunshine, the charming language slip-ups. What you don’t picture is the loneliness. The quiet mornings when you realise you don’t have a single person to call for a coffee. The moments when you crave someone — anyone — who understands what you’re going through.
Because when you’re in a foreign country on your own, you need someone who gets it. Someone who knows the same frustrations and small defeats, especially the downsides. There is nothing lonelier than being in a place where no one really knows you. It’s a kind of isolation that can creep in quietly, even when life on the surface looks idyllic — and it’s one of the main reasons many people eventually pack up and move back home.
Having friends abroad isn’t just about having company. It’s about survival. It’s about having someone you can call when the paperwork makes you want to scream, when you’ve had enough of pretending to understand people, or when you just need to hear a familiar accent.
Discussing the problems you’re going through in a new Country can be incredibly liberating — especially when you live in France. There’s a whole mountain of bureaucracy to climb here, and it helps more than you’d believe to have someone to laugh (or sigh) about it with.
For a long time, I told myself I was fine without that — that I was independent, adaptable, perfectly capable of figuring it all out on my own. And for a long time, I did. But then, quite unexpectedly, when my family and I moved to Provence, I started meeting other women who were also living abroad — women from all over the world, each juggling their own version of this life. And something clicked.
For the first time, I was surrounded by people who understood. They knew the weird nostalgia for foods you can’t find, the small victories that nobody else seems to notice. They didn’t flinch when I teared up over a tin of Baked Beans. I hadn’t realised how much I’d needed that kind of connection until I found it.
So if you’re still searching for your people, here’s what I’ve learned about finding your tribe abroad.
1. Say “Yes” more often.
Even when you’re tired, nervous, or worried your accent will give you away before you’ve said three words. Most friendships start somewhere awkward — a language class, a dinner, a random invitation you almost turned down. Say yes anyway.
2. Find your “third place.”
Not home, not work — somewhere in between. A café where you start to recognise faces, a yoga class, a language exchange, a market stall where the vendor starts to remember your order. Small, regular connections can turn into real friendships when you least expect it.
3. Look for shared values, not shared passports.
Your tribe might not be from your country — and that’s often the magic of it. Sometimes the people who understand you best are locals who love your foreign quirks- Other times, it’s the expats who know exactly what it feels like to belong everywhere and nowhere at once.
4. Be the one who invites.
If you’re waiting for someone else to organise the coffee morning, the walk, or the wine night — don’t. Be the one who makes the first move. Chances are, everyone else is just as shy and hoping someone else will take the initiative.
5. Don’t expect every friendship to last forever.
Some people you’ll bond with for a season — and that’s okay. Life abroad is full of fleeting connections that still leave their mark. They’re part of your story too.
Finding your tribe abroad isn’t about recreating the life you left behind. It’s about building something new — a circle of people who might not share your past, but who will shape your present in the most unexpected, beautiful ways.
Because in the end, your tribe isn’t defined by where they’re from, but by how they make you feel. They’re the ones who listen when you’re homesick, laugh with you through the chaos, and remind you that even far from home, you still belong somewhere.
So here’s to saying yes, reaching out, and finding your people — wherever in the world they may be.
Have you found your tribe yet?